Six months later, in June 2017, I started to find myself again. I always loved creating and crafting, so my husband and I painted a doormat as a fun date activity. After I posted it on Instagram, we had a huge number of people tell us to open a shop!... So, we did: Mahina Made.
At this same time, we reached out to our doctor again. Our hearts had time to grieve, mourn, process, and find peace with what happened. I just couldn't accept that this was the end all of everything. We were ready to try IVF one more time.
This time, it was completely different. The physical pain was the same- that's undeniable. But everything else was not. God had humbled me so much. He did EXACTLY what I needed. A year ago, I had created my own definition for what it meant for things to happen in His timing. I had created a timeline where His timing would fit into mine. & when it didn't... I couldn't understand it. Now, I accepted that His plans are not mine and what will be, will be. I was filled with peace and faith that God did love me.
We found out that we were pregnant again from this round of IVF! I felt hope; I didn't feel the joy that I felt with my first pregnancy, but I felt hope. Our pregnancy progressed and we didn't tell many people. We told our family and a few friends, but that was it. At that 15 week mark, we went to THE ultrasound appointment. The kidneys were perfect- no sign of anything wrong. Praise Jesus! AND... we found out were having a BOY! Now, I was excited! It all became so real. I was going to be a mom to a baby that would come home with me in a few more months. My husband and I cried. God is faithful and He is good. This all happened 4 days before Christmas that year. Christmas miracle!
On June 8 (my 28th birthday), our son Lyric James was born. A happy and healthy 7 lb. 6 oz. blessing. We had a beautiful delivery experience and I couldn't help but look at my son and think... it was all worth it. God broke me down, so that I could be open to experiencing His true love and become the mom He wanted me to be. I knew God now. He is not a genie who grants wishes, He does not do things to harm us. He is our Father- and just like any great father, He teaches us lessons out of love. He knows what is best and He does just that. This is the type of mom I hope to be.